here's what we did today [archive post?]

[splashtana ★]

<sup>**a vent post with my cats from another site. wanted to post it here so it wouldn't be flooded out

He was proud of her. His little sister, the new medicine cat apprentice. What more could a big brother want for his little sister? The one certain thing in his life was that she was his biological sister, his fathers had told him that on and on, but sometimes he had doubted it. What kind of cat doubted his parents, though? They’d never lie to him, now would they? Or would they. When he’d come out as straight to them, he’d been sent off with Infernalpaw, only three moons old then, to live in ThunderClan, away from the two of them forever. That had been quite painful. Parents didn’t exactly cast their children out of their families everyday, now did they? Ugh, that day had sucked him to say the least. Trying to shake the memories from his mind, Mortalinstrument rose to his golden tabby paws, and blinked his pastel yellow eyes. It took a lot of effort to breathe these days, and the scars of his past life haunted him constantly. His fathers had cast him and his sisters out, and that had shattered him past the point where words would be able to help heal him. Infernalpaw often brought light into his life, but that wasn’t all that often seeing as she was either in the medicine den, or hanging around with other apprentices. Cats her age, cats who didn’t understand the pain of being told you were wrong in being who you were, the pain of being told to leave and to never come back because you were a shame to you family. That kind of pain, he wished it on no other cat. No other cat needed to be hated, never. Mortalinstrument didn’t see it fit to just simply sit there and do nothing. Honestly, what was he thinking?

Padding towards the exit to the camp, the tom sighed, sitting down and looking at his paws with a frown. What was the point of clans? He’d never really fit in around here, and all he really wanted was to go back to his parents, but he knew the two toms wouldn’t be pleased to see him. Sure, the golden tabby had trained as a warrior, and barely passed his final assessment to become a full warrior, but he still hadn’t found any motivation to continue on in life as a warrior. The thought of medicine cat had crossed his mind once or twice, though he didn’t want to take that away from Infernalpaw, and he figured he’d be just as lousy a medicine cat as he was a warrior. With the trees overhead, and the sun dappling the forest floor before him through the trees of the forest, the warrior tom of ThunderClan rose to his paws once more, and padded onward with his head down. With a whirling mind, he honestly just couldn’t get a grasp on the situation at hand. So many emotions. Pride for Infernalpaw, self-hatred and shame for himself, and grief towards the two toms who had loved him and Infernalpaw as their own biological children. The only question that had crossed his mind was why they had sent Infernalpaw with him? She hadn’t came and told them that she liked the opposite gender like he had, and they had sent her with him. Maybe they’d wanted to replace the two of them with children more like them. Feeling his heart break, the thirteen moon old tom’s eyes flooded with tears and he blinked back a sob of horror. It was done and over, the simple thought of being replaced had broken his heart.

Mortalinstrument knew exactly where they were. Quickening his pace, the golden tabby tom with the tear streaked face darted across the forest landscape. Ignoring the branches and leaves whipping him across his face, he simply continued on with no attempts to stop. Thoughts were whirling through his mind, and they wouldn’t stop. How was he supposed to stop them? He was simply an idiot, and idiot who was hated by his biological parents. Cast out by the ones who had taken him in. Even now an outcast around his own clanmates. His third family, if one thought of it that way. Though, he’d never really grown all that close to any cat in ThunderClan, preferring to keep his own company, or hang around Infernalpaw. But she had a life now, a new job and friends. Having seen the way she looked at some of the toms in the clan, maybe she even had a crush now. It was hard to tell with her at times, though, as she always acted bright and cheery no matter how much she hurt deep down. Unlike him. The claws slid out, and he gasped in grief. Why couldn’t he be more like his sister? So strong, so able to hide her feelings from the world, and keep moving on. Then there was him. He couldn’t keep anything inside, and he sat in camp being a useless lump. As usual. No, not anymore. Skidding to a halt at his destination, he sighed, closing his eyes. Infernalpaw. Letting the thought of his black and white tuxedo sister slip from his mind, the warrior tom let himself willing step forward. Feeling the ground slip away, his mind and heart were at a state of peace, and no regrets came to mind. Replacement? They would never replace him. Never.

When the rocks came, he felt no pain. Mortalinstrument’s death was quick and painless, though not bloodless. His head had been speared on the point of a rock, and now his lifeless body was bleeding out for all the world to see. For Infernalpaw to see. Out there she was, trotting along without a care in the world, looking for some herbs to bring back to the camp for her mentor. Her self-composed list consisted of all the herbs she knew so far, which were only catmint, cobweb, poppy seed, and marigold. She didn’t mind not knowing all the herbs yet, she knew her new mentor and friend Hazysoul would teach her them soon enough, so she let her mind wander along as she walked forward. The scent of grief flooded over her, and the black and white tuxedo she-cat looked up with pricked ears. Was that her brother’s scent as well? No, it couldn’t be. Why would Mortalinstrument be upset? Passing it off as nothing, she continued trotting along, humming to herself as she looked over all the flowers she passed. Eventually, she’d know all the herbs and be a fantastic medicine cat, but she was only fresh out of the nursery, so of course she didn’t know any of those herbs yet. Spotting marigold, she bent down to pluck some, but she froze. The scent of blood and death flooded over her, and she knew something was wrong. Horribly wrong. Shifting into a run, the medicine cat apprentice raced along, until she skidded to a halt beside a cliff. Looking down into the gorge, her eyes widened in horror and an ungodly screech flew from her parted jaws. With tears pouring from her eyes, both from horror at the gorey sight below her, and grief because she could make out the distinct markings of her brother’s pelt.

Spiraling into darkness, Infernalpaw fell to her side, closing her eyes and letting sobs wrack her small body. His body had been so broken, so bloody. In fact, the sight of his mangled body had been even worse than the shock of his death. No other scents were around, which meant he’d committed suicide. Oh StarClan, why had he? Had she done something wrong. Shakily rising to her paws, the tear stained she-cat padded forward and began to climb down the cliff. When she reached the rock where her brother’s head was speared, she gasped in agony, and hoisted him off, ignoring the blood that collected on both of their pelts. Dragging his body forward, she just couldn’t bring herself to cry anymore. All of her tears were gone, and now she was simply crying without the tears. There was no sound, no anything, just shock and horror. As she neared the camp, she shook her head, exhaustion threatening to overtake her as she padded towards the camp where she made her home. What had driven her dear brother to suicide? Why hadn’t he come to her? There were so many questions Infernalpaw wanted to ask her brother, but he was gone and dead now, and she’d never be able to ask him these questions. She’d never see him in StarClan, as suicide was like murder, and wouldn’t that land one right in the Dark Forest? Her brother had been a good cat though, he couldn’t be rejected from StarClan, could he? No, they couldn’t do that to him. To her. To ThunderClan. It just wouldn’t be right. With a sigh, she picked him pack up, and continued on. Reaching the camp, she set his broken and bloody body down, then collapsed on top of her brother, sobbing and murmuring to him, the white of her fur stained crimson from Mortalinstrument’s blood.

[1524 words ;-;]</sup>